I’m fuming. The steam’s cracking out of the lid. Convention tells me otherwise and my insecurities tell me no. I’ve heard it all. Both from myself and others. Stabilize your career and keep it on the side. Do it in the future after you have more money. Better to have it as a hobby than to fail and not have it at all. If you leave your career now you won’t be able to return in a few years. So I spent a year to let it simmer and to ask myself, “what is it that I really want?”
People who know me well know that I have a lot of hobbies and interests. A job in high school for a knife dealer exposed me to metallurgy which led me to my current academic pursuit, material science. Outside of academics I’ve involved myself with cycling, climbing, photography, and recently even boxing. I try to invest enough time and effort in all of them so that I have some degree of competency…but at the same time I’m never quite “good”. I don’t have the talent to excel at something with minimal work.
Between school, my career, and long term goals I’ve spread myself thin with too many half-way commitments. It’s mentally straining for myself, but also unfair to my peers and employers who expect my full attention. I realize that if want to succeed in my career aspiration as a bonsai professional I need to give it my 100%.
Am I afraid of failing and fucking up my current career? Hell yeah! Do I really want to pursue bonsai? Hell Yeah! At the end of the day all I know is how I feel. I love working with my hands and building things. My current career is not sustainable for me in the long run. I ain’t a rash or dumb guy. I’ve taken time to understand my current industry and directions for career growth as well I asked for advice from many people well seasoned in it. And after a year of thinking I know it’s not for me.
At this point it ain’t gonna help me by throwing more what ifs around. I just have to give it a shot and if I fail it’s on me. I can’t say I’ve been completely unsupported either. I’m fortunate to have the support of my parents and a few mentors I’ve gained in the past year who’ve greatly helped and encouraged me to pursue my goal. Hoe, Jeff, Owen, Bob among others who’ve helped me out.
If I had to give myself a New Years resolution it would be to take the first steps in my career and begin an apprenticeship. My chinese is complete ass right now but I’m beginning to practice and study with the intention of possibly apprenticing in Taiwan.
I’ve been working on a letter to send over to some of the professionals to explore the possibility of apprenticeship.
To help me learn and better retain commonly used words and characters used in the bonsai scene I’ll be attempting to translate a Taiwanese bonsai book. The idea is to translate pages containing techniques (perhaps some unfamiliar to the domestic scene) and share them on my blog! Perhaps this is too ambitious but I hope to translate and share 1 page or technique a week. At best all I can understand are the pictures and some characters I learned in high school so it will be quite the challenge.
During the interim between college graduation and an apprenticeship but also to give me more of a buffer to improve my mandarin I’m looking to study domestically briefly. I recently applied for a paid internship at the US National Arboretum Bonsai Garden so we’ll see if that pans out.
I am equally hopeful and afraid, but mostly excited to try my new venture. I hope I can find the support of my readers and invite you to watch my success or failure.